Sunday 3rd August was my 28th Wedding Anniversary. I felt myself drawn to write about our lives together and feel that anniversaries are a good time to do that, whether it is a wedding anniversary or birthday or other, say counting the years in a job. And so I found myself spontaneously journaling without another’s suggestion, recalling others who have done similar things, writing about and marking a time in their personal history.
I never would have thought it would have been such a successful marriage and feel we are both examples of unqualified persistence and perseverance. I do love my husband, who is as they say a mirror; we used to fight and argue a lot, having quite different perspectives on life. I have had to learn to be not so precious and not take about things so seriously, it is not all about me, service and duty. I have been aware that I have been selfishly driven over the years, especially when coming back from a residential program where I stay with others in a community group. I find that I cannot have my own way, nor do I want to have it these days. This is because I have realised how demanding a wife I can be and resolve to do better and not whinge and whine for example when we are driving about the window being open. Actually now I am more forthright and direct, say it is bothering me, instead of being motivated like a victim and pleading for it to go up, I simply say I prefer to not have a draught and do what I can to compromise, such as being prepared when John has his cardigan on and then feels hot while I feel cold.
I am learning to look for positives in our relationship and appreciate what is working is a useful tactic, instead of focusing on and judging what I do not like. That is huge. He is very supportive and I understand now we are friends, on the same side, that I can and do ask John to do many things for me and I am cheerfully obliged to do what I have contracted to do as a wife. This includes not expecting him to do my roles of cooking and cleaning, we each have our jobs to do, his is to maintain the house. For instance on a recent Sunday morning, we woke to find our fence was graffitied with 8 big tags, covering 3 metres. He straight away changed his clothes, found the paint tin and brush and painted over the graffiti.
In the past I have felt I needed support in the way that was to have him do more things for me, I enjoyed giving orders, organising, being thoroughly spoilt and self-centred. Now our marriage is rather a co-creation and friendship that has formed, whereas before there was friction from us as people who were poles apart. The glue holding us together can be a simple one of love underlying it all. We are brought together for a reason and I will not go into when it might be the ‘right’ time to cease being in a relationship. Suffice to say, while there is still learning and growing to do and one is triggered by the other into feeling their own negative emotions, it is time to stay. If not, the chances are we will be brought together by another similar type of person or with a person who enables us to bring up and experience our unresolved issues in a similar way. The exception to this would be if being in a relationship causes harm. Otherwise the chances are we will be brought together by another person alike in type which enables us to bring up our stuff and experience unresolved issues in a similar way, asking to be cleared.
From my experience I have found more inner peace when I live from my heart and love myself first, warts and all taking responsibility for my life, feelings and growth. We are all works in progress and the universe is benevolent. We get what we put out for, whether it is conscious or unconscious. It takes practice to connect and be clear about my own truth and work on my issues which are preventing harmony in my relationships.
It is a wondrous thing when the universe sucks me into place to live my purpose. Before I took responsibility for my feelings and doings, I was playing the blame game or being a victim to circumstances which made my life lacking in lustre and left me wondering what it was all about, why was I here. I felt as if I belonged somewhere else entirely. Fortunately that feeling recently passed and my purpose is ever evolving. To me my purpose is twofold, planetary and personal and maybe I will feel inspired to write about purpose in another moment.
For now, many blessings to you and I am here for the contacting if you feel drawn to do that. xxoo
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Disclaimer: This post is written from my personal understanding and experience and is not to be misconstrued in any way. Advice given is general and as I am not a medical doctor, take no responsibility for how it is received, my intention is that articles will be supportive and assist in living a more holistic life.